Disappointment

I felt like a brainless dude today. I think I have smeared the reputation of my course. Arghhhh!!! During the dialogue session, I became mum. Even v commented that I was very quiet. So did t. This was not what I wanted!! Sighz, never did I know, when you’re on internship, you have to fight for your participation marks too. :’( I felt like a total idiot sitting there listening to them talk. Or more like crap, as a put it. But I learnt from the session. How to go about conducting a dialogue session bla bla bla. Towards the end of part 1, I contributed more actively. But part 2: churning out list of discussion topics was horrible. It was 5.40 in the afternoon and I was brain dead. Been in the conference room since 2 pm ok! Hello! Any normal being would need a break, right? I felt like taking power nap like what king suggested but was afraid to just walk out to take a breather while the others were yakking away. v bought breadtalk buns but how can they be helpful when they are just blobs of carbohydrates? Sighz! t was munching on peanuts, like peanuts helped! I felt like a total failure. Total flop!! Not that I did not have anything to say but the others were too fast! Esp n who was superbly quick at rattling her thoughts which was exactly what I was running through my mind! -_- I hate this feeling but I sense that I am not seeing my routine B for assessment, much less my much-craved after A grade.

Well, at least the consolation out of the disappointing session was that I got to observe t from a considerably comfortable distance. How far is one seat apart? :) Happy as a cow! Hee hee! Did not dare to sit directly next to him fearing that I’d go dumb-struck!

Company’s CNY dinner is on Thursday, at H****n Hotel. I am sure smart alecks will get the hotel name. The young celebrity who starred in A Simple Life. (hint hint) If you don’t get it right, it’s alright. It just shows how much of a potato couch you are. I thought I was not invited when colleague f shouted to uncle r this morning. No one told me, not even n, who looks quite pissed at me today. I did not do anything wrong ok! Except to ask her how many respondents we surveyed for the last round of survey. Cheh! Must be PMS! So, I thought I was not asked. However, when I came back down from dialogue just now, f asked me if I knew about the dinner. And I pretended to be stupid and said no. And so she cordially (like she would!) and officially tell me about it. I went stupider by saying “Oh, I get to go?” In her usual ahh-stop-acting look she said yes.

I feel loved...not! Bleh!