Who am I?

When evening comes, when night falls, I feel like a different being. I feel weird, I feel lonely.

Up till this point in time, I refuse to enjoy this city. It’s not my cup of tea or coffee or milk. Whatever. It’s so congested and I don’t mean the traffic alone. The people, the houses, everything!! I am not being racist here but I really don’t like the dark-skinned people lurking around where I work, where I stay. I feel threatened. I live in worries everyday, not knowing what to expect. Will I be robbed or will I be dragged into a car and never see sunlight again? All these fill my mind every single day. Freaky but true.

Today is a public holiday for KL. Stayed in room the entire day, trying to finish the portfolio. The furthest I’ve gone out today was to the rubbish bin outside the room. Pathetic. I feel like a worm, struggling to climb to where I want to go. And where I want to head now looks so so far away.

When t asked me whether which area I want to embark on and why. I was dumb-founded for a while inside me. I had to grasp an answer that will look like I am certain. Yes, advertising is where I want to set my foot in. “Are you sure?” He questioned me; I questioned myself, my inner self. Is this where I want to be?

To think that all along, I told myself this is where I want to be. But I am having doubts now. This is not right, isn’t it? I am regretting my decision. Am I regretting the decision because of what I see in those people or am I regretting because of this city?

I need to do some searching. I need to find myself back.